Sometimes God, in His sovereignty, makes decisions we don’t understand. Decisions that, in the moment, seem to bring us nothing but pain. In those moments, we often experience feelings of anger and disappointment towards God, or we blame ourselves and wonder if we are being punished.
This story is all too familiar to Yuniati, who lost her 1.5-year-old daughter. As a result, she struggled with her faith. But then, something unexpected happens…
Be encouraged by this deeply personal and honest testimony.
(Written by Yuniati, edited – for readability purposes – by Danielle.)
November 12, 2025
Our second daughter, Hanna, was born in the Netherlands on November 12, 2020, during the coronavirus pandemic. Due to the lockdown, as well as an ongoing conflict in the church we were attending at that time, we stopped going to church for around a year and a half. In spring 2022, we were invited by a sister from our previous church to visit the church she was attending. We started going regularly, got to know a few people, and joined a local home group.
In June 2022, following a coronavirus infection, 1.5-year-old Hanna developed a persistent fever. After a frustrating two weeks with multiple doctor visits and finally a blood test, Hanna was immediately admitted to the hospital due to the high level of inflammation found in her body. What followed was countless tests and a terrifying diagnosis. The doctors established that Hanna suffered from an extremely rare autoimmune condition called HLH, which was caused not by coronavirus but by a second, supposedly harmless virus.
The disease itself has several subtypes, and little Hanna happened to have the worst form, which can only be cured with bone marrow transplantation. Sadly, her little body was unable to withstand the chemotherapy treatment that was needed prior to the transplantation. On August 19, 2022, after being sick for less than two months, our little Hanna went back to the arms of Jesus.
God’s provision
Looking back, it was incredible how God brought us back to church at the time that we needed it the most. As immigrants, we have no direct family in the Netherlands, and having just moved, we did not yet know many people here.
During our long hospital stay, our new home group helped to ease our burdens by providing meals. Our new church family arranged a beautiful funeral for our daughter. Other brothers and sisters we knew were also a blessing from God during this sorrowful time. We are forever grateful to all of them.
Deep sorrow and frustration
Despite God’s goodness and faithfulness during the most difficult times of our lives, the grieving period is far from easy, especially for me. The follow-up meeting with the doctors who treated Hanna gave no clear answers; they could not find anything wrong on the genetic level that would explain Hanna’s condition. “Very bad luck,” we were told. A chance of one in five million, and it has to be our daughter.
The fragility of life really shocked me, and the frustration of trying to make sense of it all followed me months afterwards. Why us? Why didn’t God heal Hanna? Have we not prayed hard enough? How could God’s good plan for me involve saying goodbye to my own child? It broke my heart that God’s answer to our earnest prayers was a no.
Nevertheless, only by the grace of God, the sorrow, bitterness, and disappointment that I felt at times did not overconsume me. In my darker days, I was comforted by the truth that Hanna is now healed and safe in heaven, and that God is in control of every aspect of her short yet precious life (Psalm 139:16). Above all, God lost His Son too for our sake, so that one day we can live eternally with Him and be reunited with our loved ones once again. What a gracious hope to live for!
A glimmer of hope
Moving forward, one year after Hanna’s passing, we decided to try to have another baby. Because I have an autoimmune disease, it took about seven months to first get a pre-treatment and then a green light from my rheumatologist to start trying. My two previous pregnancies happened quite quickly, but that was not the case this third time. Three months into trying, in May 2024, I got a very early miscarriage. At the beginning of August 2024, while I was in the changing room in a swimming pool, I received these words in my head, saying, “By this time next year, you will have a baby.” It was the first time that I had ever been given such words, and I didn’t know if they were from above or if my head just subconsciously made them up.
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Another set-back
In the meantime, I was preoccupied with the restructuring process in the company where I was working. Unfortunately, as of December 2024, I officially became jobless. It was a challenging time for me, as my work has been a part of my identity and a source of financial security as well. I remembered telling God that it’s all wrong and unfair, and I even had the audacity to tell Him my version of a future plan, which I thought was the best for me.
Shortly after that, one early morning, while I was walking to the toilet, these words came to my head, saying, “Let God do His job!” This time, I was pretty sure that they were not coming from me, as there is no way that I would make up such wise advice.
Challenged to trust God
Even with the gracious reminder that I received, I found it challenging to trust Him completely. Days and months went by, and there was still no baby and no job. In the meantime, quite a few girlfriends around me became pregnant and delivered their babies. One by one, former colleagues who lost their jobs during the company restructuring announced on LinkedIn that they found a new position. And here I am, struggling with unfulfilled wishes. There were moments when I felt like God had forgotten me. So in my desperation, I asked God to remember me and to help me to trust Him completely. Some loving family members in Christ knew about my struggle and have also been blessing me with encouragement and prayers.
The beginning of August 2025 was exactly one year since I received the words that I would have a baby, but my womb was still empty then. I concluded that the words that I thought I received might not be real. After all, why would God speak to a nobody like me? I told myself that we are just going to try until the end of the year, and if no baby comes, we will have peace about that.
Breakthrough
However, overall, I was really frustrated with my no-baby no-job situation and desperate for a change, so I prayed to God for a breakthrough, whatever it is. This time, He answered pretty quickly. On August 19, which was the anniversary of Hanna’s return to Jesus, I noticed some light bleeding when I went to the toilet. Having been pregnant twice before, I knew that it was implantation bleeding, which happens when a fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall. I thought that the timing was too remarkable to be a coincidence!
As I write this testimony, I am 14 weeks pregnant with our third child. In His miraculous way, our Father has answered both of my prayers for a baby and a “job” (to be a mother again).
I had a dream of a baby’s name, Maye, which means the month of May. Guess what? The due date of our baby is May 8!
A love that never fails
When I recall our journey the past three years since we lost Hanna, I might have treated God like a vending machine, a dispenser to grant my wishes. In my mind, God’s love for me is proportional to the number of prayers He said yes to. Quite often, I have allowed my
feelings to overshadow the ultimate truth. The proof of His love is already there on the Cross, once and for all.
These days, I’m learning to question Him less and to trust Him more. I’m practicing gratitude for everything I’m privileged to have–our family, loving friends, and church family–instead of what I’ve lost or cannot have.
As this pregnancy is progressing, many worries cross my mind. What if the baby is eventually sick too? Will we manage financially with just one income? What will happen to my career with such a long break? My life has certainly not gone the way I envisioned it. Then I’m reminded by those words: “Let God do His job!” By now, I realize that God has spoken those words to me because He knew that it’s exactly what I need: that this woman of little faith needs the assurance and confirmation. Yes, His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). He has walked with me through the darkest path, and I’m filled with peace as He continues walking with me to embrace what lies ahead. He loves me (John 3:16), knows me (Isaiah 43:1), cares for me (1 Peter 5:7), and has promised to always be with me (Isaiah 41:10).
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:2, NIV)
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4, NRSVUE)
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26, ESV)
In loving memory of Hanna: https://youtu.be/3NLOCRkiHcc?si=66QF8EZdg1GF2a7C
Sharing testimonies is how we strengthen each other. By sharing how God brought us joy, peace, and hope through challenging circumstances, we can create a community where we build one another up and sow seeds of light and faith in each other’s lives.
If God has restored your hope and joy, will you help restore someone else’s? Contact me with your unique testimony.